Glæden ved børn

Fornylig skrev Anne Glad, strategisk direktør for Envision: “Når forældre er mest stressede på de tidspunkter, hvor de er sammen med børnene, er der noget mere fundamentalt bekymrende for familiens fremtid.” Ja, det er et problem. Ikke desto mere debatteres det sjældent, hvorvidt de, der får børn, reelt orker at være sammen med dem.

Jeg tror, at alt for mange får børn, fordi de keder sig …

Læs videre i Politiken.

 

Dear all

It’s tempting to write down all the examples of injustice, discrimination and abuse that a woman suffers from, only because she is born a woman. The problem is that this blog is far too little for such a list.

Why does so many men still think that they are superior human beings just because they were born with a penis?

Of course, the job for all human beings is to stop being bystanders and act. The wise person acts, whereas the fool reacts. In other words, don’t pass on today’s problems to future generations because you’re too weak to stop it.

This video is called “Dear dad”, but it could also have been called “Dear all.”

See it here.

 

Empati er betingelse for at underminere terror

Empati et kraftfuldt redskab til at fremme en forståelse for de andre. Og er der noget, som verden i dag mangler er det en gensidig forståelse af vores forskelligheder. Der mangler empati og medfølelse.

Empati er kunsten at træde i en anden persons krop og sind. Forstå den andens følelser, tanker og perspektiver. Denne indsigt om den anden eller de andre, kan fortælle os noget om de andre, set fra deres ståsted.

Empati fremmer indsigt. Det adskiller empati fra sympati, hvor man føler medlidenhed med de andre. Eller ligefrem har ondt af de andre.

Læs resten af essayet  her.

When Stupidity Rules

Most of the fathers in my six-year-old son’s class use an instant messaging service called WhatsApp. The idea was to share information regarding school issues, but in reality it became a way of passing on jokes and pictures of women. In the beginning, the pictures were harmless, that is to say, no nudity. However, the other day, a father, who by the way is the father of two girls, sent a photo that was pure porn…

… read the rest of the essay in THE TRANSNATIONAL: A Literary Magazine

Everything is fucking

The second season of True Detective, written by Nic Pizzolatto, is about caring and being fucked. To put it simply, only those who care survive, but the survivors need to run away to avoid being fucked. The rest—that is the non-caring—well, they all get fucked, sooner or later.

So in a way the moral is sad, and no less sad in that it’s a pretty accurate picture of contemporary capitalist society. Corruption, loneliness, fights for possessions—whether land, kids, property, even fights for the right to deal or not deal with one’s past.

“[T]here is no outside to the world market: the entire globe is its domain,” Michael Hardt and Toni Negri wrote in Empire. The two writers stress that there is no outside to capitalism, that there is no other world we can refer to as being better, more beautiful, more righteous, and so on. A possible change of an ethical approach in business comes from within as a kind of counter-actualization of something overlooked or neglected, for example from the few human beings who have the capacity to care for life not money.

In True Detective a missing girl says – as a reply to the question whether she shouldn’t aim for more in life than just fucking: “Everything is fucking.”

It is, since everything is business, and is cool and calculated transactions. Fucking is not making love; it is just one’s person assumed right to use another person to fulfill his or her desires. And here, True detective shows us that it apparently is more acceptable when men fuck than when women do.

The sadness of gender inequality is still here in 2015!

“I support feminism, mostly for having body image issues,” says detective Ray Velcoro to his female colleague, Antigone. This can be interpreted in many ways, but women are under more pressure from men, society, and, perhaps, themselves to live up to a sexy ideal, whereas men, apparently, can still be old, fat, and ugly and be sexy, as long as they have money or power. Also, many men can’t avoid seeing the body rather than the person when they speak with a woman. Of course, this is black and white; but in the end, it seems like Pizzolatto puts all the blame on capitalism, not men per se.

It makes you wonder: Will business corrupt women, like it did with the men?

Let me draw a parallel between death, capitalism, and sex. Climbing Mount Everest, one will at one point enter “the death zone” (above 8,000 kilometers). In this zone, the level of oxygen is so low that only very experienced mountaineers can survive with this level of oxygen. And common for many human beings in “the death zone” is that they become much more selfish. There are many stories of people passing dead bodies, or passing people asking for help but are left because the others are so seduced by their objective: to reach the top. Capitalism is similar to the death zone. Most people forget all about moral responsibility; they focus on the ends not the means. To be rich is to be on the top of the world. And sex… it has always been a good business—just see how the porn industry helped establish the Internet, together with the military. Sex and war—there you have it. Once upon a time, it was war and peace.

What happened with peace of mind?

And it doesn’t stop there. To add another moral: those who are capable of confronting their own nightmares—in the second season, related to past experiences of solitude or abuse—learn to care and then move on. The positive moral is that moving on and caring go hand in hand. We are offered a way out. However, caring is something more than self-compassion; rather, caring as in having compassion for others.

Nic Pizzolatto knows—or I assume he knows—that each of us is always secondary to life. Life came before us, and it will still be here when we are gone. It is ‘others’ who make us alive, and in that sense we all need one another. Those who care as elements of their own interests and egoism, like Ray and Paul (custody of his son and less heterosexual pressure), here fate catch up with them.

The caring element is one of two things that ties the second season with the first (see more of this here: True Detective: Pessimism, Buddhism or Philosophy?). A true detective cares . The other element that ties the seasons together is one of the many celebrated statements from Rust Cohle, that the “world needs bad men to keep the other bad men from the door.” It still does. Now, however, the world is just getting worse and worse, so it is not just a job for bad men but also for bad women to clean out. Thus, we need bad men and women. Paul, Ray, and Frank can’t do it alone; they need Jordan and Antigone.

Perhaps there is a reason why only the women survive, not the men. Is it because no one gets away with anything? Do men always fuck up?

The second season is about karma, the Buddhist concept that emphasizes our actions bring results. Each moment we plant seeds, those seeds will bear fruits depending on various circumstances. One can’t control the outcome, only one’s motive for planting this seed. Therefore, one’s intention becomes important.

The last and most important moral of True Detective: try to bring a moment of awareness and reflection to your actions, basically to make wise choices.

Is it wise of Paul to hide his sexuality? Apparently not.

Is it wise of Frank to want to kill everyone and get all the money before he escapes? Apparently not.

Is it wise of Ray first to abandon his kid and then to return and say good-bye while being on the run? Apparently not.

Is it wise of Antigone to share her story with another, like sharing the responsibility to make one’s own burden lighter? Apparently so.

No one survives alone (was that yet another moral?).

Ray Velcoro dies out in nature under a big tree, the Bodhi spot. He dies peacefully, perhaps because we are told that he already lived many lives and that he is tired. Frank dies in the desert. Often we associate the desert as being a limitless space, a kind of freedom. But those are just delusions: deserts are full of sand and have a lot of heat, but are devoid of water and people; nothing but death. Frank was already dead. He already died a long time ago, when he decided to enter the business world where legitimate businessmen can’t be distinguished from illegitimate. Business is entering “the death zone.”

Antigone is the only true detective in the second season. Next time, we need both bad men and women to keep the bad men and women from our doors. In the end, if everything is fucking, then not only men fuck.

true-detective

Smagen af en følelse

En af mine gamle venner yndede at sige, at man skal høre sandheden fra børn og fulde folk. Det hører med til historien, at han drak, og han sagde, mange sande ting.

Jeg tænkte på ham fornylig, da jeg deltog i et seks-dages meditationsretreat på et kloster ved Costa Brava kysten. Her refererede underviseren – i et af hans Buddhistiske causerier – til filmen Inside Out. En tegnefilm! Det slog mig, at der vitterligt er noget om klicheen: sandheden, fuldskab og børn. Børn er sjældent fulde, men de udfordrer deres forældre. Dagligt. De modner dem.

Nu har jeg set Inside Out. Og den er ganske interessant (om end midten føles lidt lang). Den viser, hvordan følelser interagerer og kæmper om kontrollen i vores mentale kontrolrum. Glæde. Væmmelse. Vrede. Tristhed. Frygt.

images

Filmen handler om pigen Riley, der er 11-12 år. Hun flytter med sine forældre til San Fransisco, hvorved hele hendes følelsesliv sættes på en prøve. I filmen udspiller dette sig ved, at følelsen Glæde ønsker at være den dominerende. Uanset hvad der sker. Glæde har altså svært ved at træde til side, selv når andre følelser synes at virke mere passende i forhold til situationen, fx vrede, frygt eller tristhed på grund af flytning, ny skole, nye venner, tab af venner, osv. På den måde hæmmes et mere modent forhold til følelser.

Følelser er svære, fordi de synes uden klare grænser. Det kan dog være givende at være opmærksom på følelser, når de opstår. Hvad forårsager dem?

Følelser er forbipasserende gæster i ens liv. I Buddhismen lærer man ikke at identificere sig med disse. Gradvist kan man opleve forskellen mellem ”jeg er vred” og ”det er vrede.” Det er svært, men frigørende. Som alt andet forandrer følelser sig også. Selv en forelskelse forandrer sig og bliver til kærlighed og hårdt arbejde. En anden måde at se dette på, kan man ved hjælp af en af hjerneforskningens mere interessante opdagelser, nemlig begrebet neural plasticitet eller den plastiske hjerne. Denne opdagelse understreger, at vores hjerne forandrer sig gennem hele livet. Af samme grund er det også muligt, at blive bedre til at håndtere eller navigere i forbindelse med de følelser, som suser igennem en.

Nyere studier viser, at glæde og lykke i stor grad hænger sammen med evnen til at ”smage” på følelser, fx smage en positiv oplevelse, og derved lade denne smag gennemtrænge ens aktiviteter. Smagen kan ligeledes imprægnere tidligere aktiviteter i skæret af denne. Som et ordsprog siger: det er aldrig for sent, at få en bedre barndom. Denne ”smag” hænger sammen med, hvordan man kan kultivere ens velvære. Det vil sige, at man giver slip på følelser som grådighed og had, mens man prøver at kultivere gavmildhed, medfølelse og kærlighed. Man accepterer ærligt ens motiver, mens man oprigtigt prøver at fremme mere af det, som fremmer velvære, fx gavmildhed.

Modning eller visdom drejer sig om at blive mere bevidst omkring, hvad der foregår i ens mentale kontrolrum. Lytte til den indre stemme.

En af forskellene mellem depressive og ikke-depressive personer er bl.a. forbundet med en fastholdelse af ”smagen” af glæde. Hos den depressive er denne aktivering forbigående, hvorfor hjernen ikke for alvor når at ”smage” følelsen. Jagten på lykke bliver flad og stressende og, af samme grund, deprimerende. Personer der besidder denne kapacitet formår derimod at forblive eller forlænge aktiviteter i denne region af hjernen.

I Inside Out erkender følelsen Glæde, at følelsen Tristhed ikke er skadelig i små doser. Tværtimod. Den kan slå os omkuld, men også lære os at komme på fode igen. Tristheden fremmer refleksion og styrker ens værdier. Hvad er vigtigt? Hvem kan hjælpe? Selvfølgelig kan tristhed igennem længere tid udvikle depression, men i mindre doser vækker den ofte gavmildhed eller generøsitet hos den anden (sågar en selv, såfremt man evner at tage vare på sig selv). Jørgen Leth er eksempelvis kendt for at have et lettere deprimeret sind, hvorfor han bl.a. bor afsondret og mindre forstyrret på Haiti, men han er også en generøs digter. Han digter plads til det, som er i færd med at blive. Dette evner han, fordi han er opmærksom og nærværende – måske ikke hele tiden – men i hvert fald med en imponerende styrke i dele af sit liv.

Det er altså Tristheden, som bringer pigen Riley tilbage til hendes forældre. Tristheden overtager styringen. Det sker i det øjeblik hun tør blotte sig, og vise sin sorg på grund af alt det tabte. I dette øjeblik møder hun – heldigvis – forældrenes rummelighed.

Tanken er vel, eller kald det filmens morale, at vi alle sammen til tider støder ind i nogle – måske endda os selv – som har det svært. Ligesom os, vil enhver anden, gerne leve et liv, der er mindre lidende og utilfredsstillende. Det de mangler for at kunne komme videre, er ikke en neoliberalistisk peptalk om hvorvidt den stærkeste overlever, men omsorg og medfølelse.

Apropos medfølelse. I går afsluttede jeg et kursus i Filosofisk vejledning med en ”loving-kindness”-meditation. Lider de studerende? Ja. Kedsomhed. Usikkerhed. Tvivl. Plus alt det andet: sygdom, død, tab osv. Flere af de studerende smilte efterfølgende. Mere end de plejer. En enkelt sagde, ”What the fuck?”

Ja, what the fuck. Det er jo bare et liv. Og et liv, der ikke undersøges og afprøves, er, som bekendt, ikke værd at leve. Det mente Sokrates i hvert fald.

Philosophy for Everyday Life

I published the essay “Philosophy for Everyday Life” in Journal of Philosophy of Life.

Abstract: The aim of this essay is two-sided. The first is to illustrate to what extent philosophy can contribute to our everyday living. The second is to illustrate how. The implicit thesis that I try to unfold in this experimental essay is that these two sides—what and how—constantly intermingle. Although the philosophical approach takes its inspiration from the French philosophers Gilles Deleuze and Michel Serres, as well as from modern secular mindfulness, the main consideration in any philosophy that contributes to our life must be the coherency of our approach to life. Philosophy is a way of relating to life, which, among other things, requires awareness. This essay, therefore, does not present a single way of living that is beneficial but instead advocates a form of life that is philosophical.

You can read the complete essay here.

Move to Mars

In The Practice of the Wild, the poet Gary Snyder writes, ”The world is our conscious, and it surrounds us. There are more things in mind, in imagination, than ‘you’ can keep track of – thoughts, memories, images, angers, delights, rise unbidden.”

We are formed by the world. It resembles the mystery of our minds. Still, the world is suffering: Water shortage. Climate chaos. Mass poverty. Mass migration. Terrorism. Financial greed. And so forth.

What to do? In the same essay, Snyder stresses, ”An ethical life is one that is mindful.” Becoming mindful is the challenge.

Of course, we all know it. The world — our planet — needs our care to survive. Yet, it seems as if the planet is wrapped more in sweet and symbolic words than actual concrete actions. Saving the planet has become a moralistic quest. We have forgotten, “the shared ground of our common biological being,” as Snyder writes, that is to say; you have more in common with a lion than what differentiates you from it.

Saving the planet is our responsibility, some say. Some even wants to save it, because they feel guilty. They are concerned about the fear of suffering from future guilt, as when our kids or our friends kids confront us, “Why didn’t you do anything?” However, guilt, fear, and responsibility … I am not sure that it works. At least it doesn’t seem like it’s working. Instead, I suggest that we save the planet out of love.

It’s that simple. We need the planet because we love the sun, the rain, and the wind. We need the planet because we love how we are connected with every being that breathes. We need the planet because we live here; our memories, love stories and miseries are embedded here. We don’t love the planet because we need it for something as vague as career, status or prestige.

Out of love. That’s the best intention for everything. Out of love we plant small seeds, then we nurture them, take care of them, and we do so because deep down we know that survival of the fittest doesn’t rule the world (only capitalism works that way). On the contrary, in life it’s compassion, care, and love that rules. It’s because I care that some life will go on living.

Do you care?

An ethical life is mindful, well, a mindful life is one that tries to live here and now in our bodies. Here and now is also how Gilles Deleuze and Félix Guattari defined utopia in What Is Philosophy?, ”Utopia does not split off from infinite movement: etymologica1ly it stands for absolute deterritorialization but always at the critical point at which it is connected with the present relative milieu, and espe­cially with the forces stifled by this milieu, Erewhon, the word used by Samuel Butler, refers not only to no-where but also to now-here.”

Utopia. Nowhere is always now and here. We don’t need more contemplation, not even higher ideals or moral categories. Rather we need to connect with the present. Becoming more mindful. Mindfulness of the body, for example, can be practiced by watching the breath when goes in and out, listening to the sounds, noticing the smells in the air, becoming aware of what we put in our mouth. Awareness is the key, not judgment. Mind and body are indistinguishable like Alberto Contador and his bike.

To love is not an intellectual project. Don’t your lips shiver when you kiss your lover? Do you love your kids out of responsibility? Out of guilt? No, because that’s not love. You love them because you love them.

Don’t you love the place where you live? If not … move to Mars.

For more on mindful philosophy, I have published the essay “Philosophy of Everyday Life” in the Journal of Philosophy of Life.

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